The Paper Chase 3#438 / 2011-08-08
Due to Bank of America's utter disinclination to be of any help whatsoever, we had no choice but to withdraw the exact amount owed on our 1040-ES and wander over to the local IRS office with thousands of dollars stuffed in our pants (which is actually not something I am in the habit of doing).
I had, of course, done my due diligence beforehand to ensure that a wad-o-cash would be accepted. I checked the web site, which said yes, and called the local office, which didn't accept calls, and called the national number, which after an hour or so on hold also said yes.
Anyhoo, we waited in line outside, waited in line for security inside, then waited in one last line terminating in front of an IRS employee. A minor miracle, we made it through the last line in only a couple of minutes.
US: Hi, yes, I need to make a 1040-ES payment in the amount of $XXXX.XX.
THEM: I'm sorry, but we are not accepting cash today. (There was a strange emphasis placed on this last word)
US: What does that mean, today? You accept cash some times but not others?
THEM: We had a meeting this morning.
THEM: Because the government is potentially shutting down next week, we decided not to open the safes today.
US: But I checked the web site and even called the IRS this morning to confirm...
THEM: Did you call us directly?
US: Yes, and I received a recording telling me to call the national number.
THEM: Well, we had a meeting this morning and...
US: You could have mentioned that in the recording, or put up a sign outside, we waited out there for over an hour.
THEM: I'm sorry.
US: So how am I supposed to pay my taxes? I couldn't register with EFTPS because my bank refuses to fill out the confirmation form you sent...
THEM: Really? What bank?
US: Bank of America.
THEM: They just need to confirm that you are an authorized user of the account.
US: Yes, I know, and they won't.
THEM: You can also pay with a money order or cashier's check made out to the US Treasury.
US: Yeah. Great. So do you validate parking?
THEM: No. But there's a coffee shop...
US: OK, great.
So then we drove back to Bank of America, closed our account, went next door to Nevada State Bank, opened a new account, and successfully registered for the EFTPS.