A life without dairy is epically tragic.

Unlike the myriad poseurs, I am not merely lactose intolerant; I am allergic. Dairy would mean certain itchy, anoxic doom.

I had comic block yesterday. I couldn't quite get myself to do anything. Feeling aimless, I decided to inject a little purpose into my life. I decided to pick up a pizza for dinner. I called it in ahead of time: cheeseless extra large with garlic, black olives, and spinach.

I arrived to find that somehow "no cheese" was mistaken for "no pepperoni". I asked for another, but they refused. I sauntered back home, peeled off the cheese (and subsequently all of the ingredients), and ate an extra large crust.

Fuck.

Such is my life in this dairy chauvinism.

Dreamiest dairy delight?