Obviously, I didn't really interview as a replacement for Karl Rove. This is what is we call artistic license. To be certain, though, I'd be an amazing political strategist. For one, I am diametrically opposed to virtually all of the core beliefs held by the president so I would bring indispensable perspective. Likewise, I could focus on spin and manipulation without being blinded by conviction.

But to be sure, my job search has compelled me to consider a fair amount of moral compromise and integrity whoring. For instance, on the day in question I visited several Mormon-run Marriott properties. Who says you can't put a price on values? Of course I also applied at a strip club, so my prospects aren't entirely without hope.

Do you vote?